Improve Your Dating Skills

Part I of "Improve Your Dating Skills" outlined the eight essential areas in which guys can improve -- or even revolutionize -- their success in the dating game.

Again, they are:

1- Meeting women
2- Starting conversations
3- Reading body language
4- Getting the numbers
5- Asking them out
6- Going on first dates
7- Going on second dates
8- Getting physical

The first part stopped at "Getting the numbers." Here are the other four tips you'll need to transform yourself into a ladies' man.

5- Asking them out
Just because you've gotten a woman's number, doesn't mean she'll agree to go out with you (although if you've positioned yourself properly, you won't have to worry about this). Women's minds are notoriously mercurial and can change in several radical directions during the course of even one day.

For example, in between the time you've met her and the time you call, she could have experienced a nasty run-in with her ex-boyfriend and decided that all men are bad. Sometimes women give out fake numbers just to brush guys off, or will write down a phone number or e-mail (or take yours) with absolutely no intention of making a date.

Assuming she's receptive, it's always best to wait a couple of days before calling, even if your testosterone level is in the red zone. Men who are successful with women make sure they're not readily available -- they make themselves a challenge (and women love challenges).

In the initial stages of courtship, your attitude should be that she's on trial, interviewing for the position of your romantic partner. So keep your first phone call short and simple. After a brief, friendly conversation, ask her out, get her response, and get off the line. That way, you appear busy (not so available) and not desperate.

Her response will be critical to your future as a dating couple. If she says "yes" -- great, you're in. If she says "no" or "I have a boyfriend" (female-speak for "no," whether she has one or not), then c'est la vie . Sure, it hurts, but at least you know where you stand. Anything else is unacceptable.

Responses like "I'm really busy right now" or "Let me check my schedule and get back to you," mean "I'd like to say 'no,' but I don't want to feel guilty." Remember the cardinal rule: if a woman is interested in a man, she will go out of her way to make herself available to him.

So if you're "too busied," don't beg or keep trying -- just exit gracefully. If a woman is really interested in going out with you and really is too busy, she'll let you know. She'll say something like, "I can't this weekend, but how about the following one?"

6- Going on first dates
First dates can be nerve-wracking experiences. Male egos are on the line. Typically, a guy's entire focus is on getting laid, on proving himself "worthy" of access to his date's sexual "favors." Because he's so fearful of the ego-shred of sexual rejection, his attitude is, "She has what I want and I'm going to have to cater to her to get it."

So he wussies out, kisses up, agrees with everything she says, submerges his true personality, and generally surrenders all his masculine power.

The more you care about the outcome, the more you're going to lose. So to win at the dating game, you have to fine-tune your attitude before you go on the first date. Get it into your head that you're the catch, and that she's going to have to prove herself to you; you have what she wants.

This is not arrogance -- it's what sexual confidence is all about.

Many guys think they have to spring for fancy dinners or entertainment to impress a woman, but it's always best to keep the first date short, casual and low-key. You want to get to know her, not pay for her attention.

A good plan is to meet at a coffee shop, lunch place, or quiet bar, where the two of you can have a conversation to see if any sparks fly. This is the perfect opportunity to make use of your dating skills -- so shut up and listen, keep the focus on her, and use sexually-interested body language.

It's important to keep the first date short. Remember; you're busy, not desperate. So end the date early, even if it's going well.

7- Going on second dates
Okay, the first date was a success. Now what?

This is where a lot of guys make a huge mistake. They send flowers; they start firing off cute "I'm thinking of you" e-mail; they tell the woman how much they like her.

Women think in terms of relationships, not sex. Women know that men are after their bodies, and they also know that the flowers and the attention are there to obligate them for sex. If you put pressure on a woman, she'll see you as desperate or a stalker, and she'll panic and run.

So after the first date, it's time to back off (remember; you're the catch). Now is the time to be a bit "mysterious." Wait another few days before calling her again. Or call her and tell her that you had a great time, then ask her out for a date two or three weeks in the future.

The rule is: in the initial stages of courtship, take one step forward, two steps back . By doing this, you don't come off as a typical, horn-dog guy -- you're different , not panting at her doorstep.

When you get a second date, do something fun and different -- go on a roller coaster ride, paddle canoes, attend a wine tasting event. Be creative. Just keep it light and easy. Stay away from bars and parties where there's competition from other hungry men.

8- Getting physical
Now is the time to rev up your sexual body language. Touch her, take her hand -- see how she responds. Kiss her. Then back off. Your goal is to pave the way for the physical part of the relationship. Unfortunately, since she's the "pok ee " and you're the "pok er ," she's going to control the pace, but this doesn't mean that you can't spin it in your favor.

Testosterone courses through men's veins like liquid fire. Men are consumed by sex. But because they're at the mercy of their sex drives, men often blow their chances by coming on too strong, too soon.

So slow down -- don't be all over her after the first date. Remember; you're the desired one -- your goal should be to make her come to you. So when it's time to get physical, it's also time to change your dating skills. The "one step forward, two steps back" rule is vital at this point, if you want to retain any kind of control of the relationship.

Instead of "putting the moves on her," do just the opposite. Kiss her, then back away -- pretend you're not really interested. Go back to her place, then tell her you're tired and it's time for you to go home now. Turn the sexual tables on her.

The idea is to create anticipation and rev up the sexual tension. Women are so used to controlling men with sex that this will drive her crazy and make her salivate for you.

And when you do get physical, you'd better make sure that you know your way around the landscape. Pleasuring a woman is one of the greatest experiences in the world, and there's just no excuse for being a lousy lover.

improve your chances

By improving your dating skills, you can revolutionize your love life. Instead of being at the mercy of fate, you can put yourself in a position to meet lots of new women, have fun, and be the kind of man that every woman wants.

Matthew Fitzgerald is the author of Sex-Ploytation. He has appeared on radio shows from coast-to-coast in the United States and in Canada, and has been featured on the Montel show and The Other Half.